...

Can u believe it? i can't even think of a title for my blog...

i guess I'm too stressed to think about one, or too lazy to make up any other lame titles other than just that three black, round, circular dots...

lol

anyways, updating the blog is something i guess i should do after all these days of stress... lol

this few weeks have been quite a very eventful slash unforgettable slash stressful week for me...

the most unforgettable one is the event where L.W has made one of my best friends here in Swinburne, S, so stressed out that she wanted to leave the campus just because of him... lol

i don't want to get into details, because i know there will be those who have their own conclusions of the story itself, and i don't want to argue with anyone anymore about anything that has to do with it... if u do not know the story, well, you don't have to anymore, because, i think, everything is settled... for now...

=\

S will be leaving Swinburne for now, but she has confirmed that she'd be back next semester, in August, as our junior... knowing this fact a few days ago has made me happier by a little, but life here is getting more and more stressful (noticed how many times have i mentioned the word "stress" before this? it's six times... if I've counted wrongly then please forgive me... i am not in the mood to count; i just did so to relieve stress... but to no avail... lol)

due to S's incident in Swinburne, i got into a fight with L.W, which i think, is an "unmendable" argument where i don't think after the argument faded, any of us will be talking to each other anymore... lol...

i admit that during the argument i have mentioned quite a number of rude remarks, but you can't really blame someone who was hot-headed at that time right? both of us are angry as... i donno... words can't really describe how i felt that time...

but now that i have calmed down, i do realize that words that i typed to L.W in the facebook messages are not really who i am currently, but who i am when i am very angry... which means it is a part of me as well... just the dormant side... hahaha... lol

=P

anyways... i don't think L.W and i will ever have anything to do with each other anymore... unless it's some kind of class group work in which both of us are unavoidably classified into the same group... then that's another story... lol

well... talking about another side of me, i realized that, when i came here, i have changed... yet again...

when i was in chung hua, i was so evil that people could've wished me dead... when i was in PJN, i was circled by a group of understanding best friends... and when i came here, i realized that i am not the person i was in PJN anymore...

i found out that i have now became, in one way or another, braver, and more... open-minded...

perhaps it's the experiences i have encountered here... they made me grow up instantaneously, forcing me to accept the fact that the world I'm in is no longer the same that i am living in while i was still in PJN...

in PJN, I'm still catered by my friends, my family and mostly everything... when I'm here, i found out that i am very vulnerable... if I'm not strong mentally/psychologically, i will lose the battle of this dog-eat-dog world...

no one beside u is ever safe enough... they can't be trusted, and they can't be relied on the way u relied on someone so strongly back in high school...

in high school, if you're down, u still have friends to help u get u back on your feet again... but in university, a place where all the others treat u like adults, no one would care if u fall; they themselves have tonnes of problems of their own already... they won't care if u have half a tonne of problem than them or two times the amount of stress compared to them...

they just won't care. they will never care unless they are inside the scenario as well, being one of the puppets of the show, being played around by the puppet master...

up until now i still think that i have no wrong in helping to defend S in L.W their case... some might say that it's none of my business... you're not involved in it... u shouldn't care that much...

but i think i cared that lot coz S is my best friend, like i mentioned earlier, and studying in PJN has really changed me... i could say that i am a 135 degree changed (not 180 coz I'm still who i am deep inside... hahaha... lol)... i am no longer as impatient as i was before... (the times when i got angry i was only pretending... lol... don't really have the need to get angry lah... hahahaa... sorry, Michael... lol)

i became, in a way, more mature, when i was in PJN, and when I'm here in Swinburne i realized that maturity is still far from required here... lol

i want to be a person that everyone respects... that has been my own personal life goal but i know it's impossible... coz no matter how respected i am, I'll still have those haters who'll sneak behind me and back stab me when I'm not aware...

i do not want to make enemies with anyone, i just want to make peace with everyone out there, but seems like there will always be someone (in every corner of the world), trying to destroy peace within humanity, by talking behind people's back, cursing non-stop about irrelevant things... blah the bloody blah blah...

i do admit that i do talk behind people's back, but i only do that if i really can't stand that person's behaviour... if that person is someone good, I'll never have the nerves or the bravery to talk behind them... i mean, they did nothing to me, so why should they be talked about?

if i want to talk behind people's back, I'd rather be the one who's giving opinions other than being those who started the conversation...

i know people will disagree with me when they read until this part, but to tell the truth, that's just who i am... i don't like to talk behind people's back as it is nasty and idiotic...

okay, people may say that i am talking behind people's back non-stop or whatever, but hey, let me remind u that i am just a heavily-flawed human being who makes mistakes...

the only problem with me, even though i know where my mistakes are, is that i don't really learn from my lesson... i would always regret doing something, but then, after a short period of time (or it could be longer, depends on what the mistake is... lol), I'll repeat the same mistake again because there hasn't been anyone nearby to constantly remind me of the consequences...

i do admit that i am very soft-eared, i listen and trust people easily, and that is a bad thing, but i still make that same mistake again and again... it's like there's no more cure to this "sickness"...

lol

anyway... i seriously need someone to point my mistakes out to me when i did something wrong and i appear to be so ignorant about it... sometimes I'm trying to evade the truth, sometimes I'm running away from the responsibilities, but most of the times it's just because i have no idea at all why i am wrong... so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just help to correct me when I'm wrong...

i am, as i said earlier, just a human being, and i do not live my seventeen years of life without making mistakes... i made them, learnt from them (sometimes... lol), and grew from them...

life without mistakes isn't life... it's a lie.



[Joey]