Well, I don't think I need to put this in my private blog. People should know that I am not always happy, although I might appear to be. I am just a human being, after all.
Lately, I'm getting tired of putting up a smile for everyone to see... I want people to understand that I am not as happy as they see me as.
Strangely, I don't know why I am being sad. Perhaps, I have been too alone, I guess. But... it's not something new. I am always alone and I have always been alone. I'm seriously looking for someone to hold and love me. As in, yea, the romance type... I'm getting tired of being single... I wanna give my love to someone~ But who?
They say the best men in the world are either gay, or taken. So what does that make me? Am I not good enough? I think so.
Some of you might say, "Oh, the time just hasn't come, that's all!"
But, I still haven't had any experience in love at all. Some of my friends have had a boy/girlfriend since they're like, I donno, twelve? But me... no one wants me. No one will ever do, I think.
Gah... I may say I enjoy being single; yes, that is still a fact, but you know us humans... we always say things that we don't really mean... I enjoy being single, but I'm dying to know how it feels like to be in a relationship too, you know? I wanna be caressed by my lover and I wanna be touched. And I wanna have someone to hold onto in the middle of the night when I'm all lonely or when it's raining. I wanna have someone in my life who I can talk about anything to. But the more I ask for them, the less chance I'd be getting them. I really wonder why.
I lost my patience today in the shower. I growled aloud, stomped on the linoleum floor and banged my fist on the cement wall. What for, I ask. I usually can control my patience... But I guess I'm losing my self control.
I don't really know what to believe in anymore, and why would I believe in anything in particular, moreover.
Sometimes I wish I have some special abilities that allow me to be able to slightly manipulate what others might feel or do to me, you know? How I wish I can just make someone fall in love with me with a lift of my eyebrow or so. How I wish, how I wish, how I wish...
I don't always get what I wanted, coz I believe I'm designed to get what I needed. I don't just want a N85, I need it. And I know I'm getting it no matter what.
You see, whenever I want something, mostly things that have concern with money, I would, in one way or another, be granted a chance to get the money. For example, when I wanted to buy something really bad, and when at that time I was broke, I would automatically be led into situations where I will gain some money bit by bit until I'm able to buy the things that I want.
When it comes to love I guess I won't be getting it that easily coz... Money can't buy love. No matter how bad I want to be in love, I won't, coz I'm not built to be loved. I think.
Ha. How depressing... I guess I'll just have to live on a few more years of my life being single... gah... It's such a pain in the ass for being me... It sucks to be me, and I know it.
Lately, I'm getting tired of putting up a smile for everyone to see... I want people to understand that I am not as happy as they see me as.
Strangely, I don't know why I am being sad. Perhaps, I have been too alone, I guess. But... it's not something new. I am always alone and I have always been alone. I'm seriously looking for someone to hold and love me. As in, yea, the romance type... I'm getting tired of being single... I wanna give my love to someone~ But who?
They say the best men in the world are either gay, or taken. So what does that make me? Am I not good enough? I think so.
Some of you might say, "Oh, the time just hasn't come, that's all!"
But, I still haven't had any experience in love at all. Some of my friends have had a boy/girlfriend since they're like, I donno, twelve? But me... no one wants me. No one will ever do, I think.
Gah... I may say I enjoy being single; yes, that is still a fact, but you know us humans... we always say things that we don't really mean... I enjoy being single, but I'm dying to know how it feels like to be in a relationship too, you know? I wanna be caressed by my lover and I wanna be touched. And I wanna have someone to hold onto in the middle of the night when I'm all lonely or when it's raining. I wanna have someone in my life who I can talk about anything to. But the more I ask for them, the less chance I'd be getting them. I really wonder why.
I lost my patience today in the shower. I growled aloud, stomped on the linoleum floor and banged my fist on the cement wall. What for, I ask. I usually can control my patience... But I guess I'm losing my self control.
I don't really know what to believe in anymore, and why would I believe in anything in particular, moreover.
Sometimes I wish I have some special abilities that allow me to be able to slightly manipulate what others might feel or do to me, you know? How I wish I can just make someone fall in love with me with a lift of my eyebrow or so. How I wish, how I wish, how I wish...
I don't always get what I wanted, coz I believe I'm designed to get what I needed. I don't just want a N85, I need it. And I know I'm getting it no matter what.
You see, whenever I want something, mostly things that have concern with money, I would, in one way or another, be granted a chance to get the money. For example, when I wanted to buy something really bad, and when at that time I was broke, I would automatically be led into situations where I will gain some money bit by bit until I'm able to buy the things that I want.
When it comes to love I guess I won't be getting it that easily coz... Money can't buy love. No matter how bad I want to be in love, I won't, coz I'm not built to be loved. I think.
Ha. How depressing... I guess I'll just have to live on a few more years of my life being single... gah... It's such a pain in the ass for being me... It sucks to be me, and I know it.
No comments:
Post a Comment