Happy...

Okay, i know my current post and this one is completely heaven and hell (meaning completely different. lol)

this morning i seriously was unhappy... and angry... coz of my last post... go read it if u haven't already... i don't wanna waste time reminiscing those facts to anger myself again... lol

anyways, just wanna say that i'm happy that EMA is out of my league already... at least for now... hahaha.. i should say EM... coz if i say "for now" it kinda meant i would have to repeat EMA... which i don't want... never in a thousand million years... lol

EM stands for Engineering Mathematics btw, for those of u who donno... i have been repeating this for a few times already... haha

anyways... EM is done... now all that's left is Physics... then PACKING!!! AND HOME!!!

:)

nothing beats going home... as in happiness... it's the thing that i am craving for now... after The Mom Song which i have acquired through Xian Wen.. hahaha

X)

Anyway... can't really talk much here... i still have Physics to revise... COME ON PEOPLE!!! LET'S WIN THIS FIGHT!!! hahahaha

XD

TTYL!!! :D

[A Moody-Turned-Happy Joey]

D-A-M-N!!!!

ugh! i'm So freaking pissed! - Quoted from "White Chicks"

And i have every right reason to be.

A couple of days ago, my sis and i were in The Spring, and the following day is my exam, so, in order to shoo me back to studying, my sis brought me a chocolate/ice-cream thingy... so that when she bought the dessert for me, i'd go back to my hostel and just study, study, study.

right.

and so after she bought me dessert, i went back to the hostel and started revising.

then i ate for i think about 10 pieces of the chocolate, out of a few tens, and then i said, "Hmm... i shall reserve some for my sister. since she bought it for me. then i texted her when would she be coming back to the hostel so that we could eat the dessert together."

and she told me that she would be coming back late, and so i was like, okay, so how about i put it in my fridge first to freeze it since the weather is so FREAKING COLD, I'M FREEZING! (i'm being sarcastic coz i'm just too darn angry right now!)

and u know what? The next morning i checked, WHAT'S LEFT IN THAT STUPID CONTAINER ARE JUST, I DONNO, MAYBE JUST HALF OF WHAT'S THE ORIGINAL AMOUNT OF WHAT I HAVE LEFT IT WITH.

since then i'm already NOT Fine with it. but then i chose not to react coz i know GOD is watching.

SO! i left it in the fridge still. and guess what?! TODAY, THIS MORNING, WHEN I CHECKED, THERE'S ONLY ONE LEFT!!!!!! :@ IN THE NAME OF GOD! ONE?! OUT OF LIKE, A FEW TENS? OH MY FREAKING GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-CURSES!!! I SO WANNA KILL THOSE WHO DARE TO STEAL MY FOOD FROM ME!!! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL! STARVE TO DEATH! GET KNOCKED BY A FAST MOVING TRUCK! STRUCK BY LIGHTNING! GET KICKED OUT FROM THE EXAMINATION HALL! AND ALL BAD LUCK TO YOU FOR THE NEXT FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS!!! ARGH!!!

AND HERE! I HAVE PICTURES TO PROVE IT! ONE!!!






ARGH!!! I WANNA JUST GO TO EACH AND EVERY DOOR AND JUST USE A MACHETE AND SLAY WHOEVER I THINK IS INVOLVED!!! AND I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THEM! YOU JUST WAIT!

AND ONE MORE THING! okay i should stop using Caps Lock coz this issue is kinda a "NOMB" thing... NOMB stands for "None Of My Business" btw...

check this out coz i don't even have ANY idea what went wrong and how. ugh... i despise these losers... :@





GOSH!!! is this some kind of a joke? i don't know and i don't dare to think what kind of MONSTER would even dare to mess with me... okay, i'm being exaggerative, whatever... and i've told u before, i'm not in the mood... so forgive me if i have offended any of u... ugh...

BUT!!! the big BUT is here... I'm going home in 3 more days, counting today in as well... SO! i'm not going to worry too much about this coz as long as my flight isn't cancelled, i'm happy enough... =\

i seriously hope those who committed those crimes (stealing and vandalizing) would be brought to justice... either through Human Acts or through Natural Acts... if you get what i mean... UGH!!!

comment please. =\

:@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@ :@

1 Down, 2 To Go

Okay, i'll keep this post short. coz i still gotta study my EMA AKA Additional Mathematics... lol

today i have gone through my General Mathematics exam... and i feel quite okay about it... at first i have no idea what i am doing, but then serenity brought me to my answers... and hopefully they are correct... hahaha

XD

tomorrow will be my EMA... i hope it'll be as easy as my GFN (Good-For-Nothing) lecturer has said... but that doesn't mean i don't have to study... i wanna ace it, if possible... coz right until now, my EMA result is still an "F"... lol

Bless me, people... and the others who are sitting for EMA tomorrow as well... Can't really type any longer although i'd want to... =\

byez! Will keep y'all updated...

[An Anticipating Joey]

WOo!!!

Gosh... it's been 14 weeks already!!! i've been in Kuching for 14 weeks already... Get me right if i'm wrong.. hehe...

well, what's about this 14 weeks is that i didn't and have never wanted to realize that time passes fast... in just a blink of an eye... maybe two... maybe more... (O.O)... and "zoom"! this week is my final week in kuching already... for this sem, i mean... hahaha

EXAMS!!! this is what my final week here screams at me... i wanted to just skip the finals and just straightaway fly home... and play... and eat... and just hang out with my friends that i have been missing for so long... :(

i know for sure that our friendship has weakened, but i can't do anything to save it... i've tried to stay connected with them... but they are busy with their SMSA life... and i can more or less understand, coz it's busy here as well... i'm just thinking in their POV... hopefully when i go back they won't go "Oh, who's that again? i forgot his name"... that'll hurt like hell... lol

hahaha

well, anyways... gonna have my General Mathematics exam later, at 2pm, then will be having my Engineering Mathematics A exam tomorrow, again at 2pm... then on Wednesday will be my final Final Exam, which is Physics, and yet again, at 2pm... hehehe... then the next day... HOME SWEET HOME!!! OMG!!! i never thought that i'd be soooooooo homesick before i came here... i thought i could do it... be here, be happy... be everything... and just miss home as little as possible...

but no.

all the things that have happened here all reminded me of how good life is back home... if u're hungry someone'll (that's mum.) cook for me... or i'll just search for any snacks in the fridge or anywhere else that she (my mum again) might hide the food in... hehehe

then, if i'm bored, i can always play my computer... not that i can't do that now... it's just that the feeling's not the same... :\

then... when i'm at home, i have aircon blowing me every single time... but here, other than classes and library times... it's scorching hot!!! i'm actually burning up, burning up, in hostel bay-beh... (ew i can't believe i just did a stupid parody of the Jonas Brothers... lol)

the people here are nice... but still i'm craving for my KB friends' jokes and their hospitality... i find myself still unable to fully trust the people i've encountered here... everyone is just so dissimilar from my hometown hommies... lol

i miss my friends... and yes, it's you! no matter where u are, i do miss u... be u my swinburne friend or my Brunei friend... I MISS YOU!!! hopefully the bridge between us will never break or be burnt down (Ashley Tisdale... hehehe... if u know what i mean... hehehe ;)...)

FRIENDS!! I LOVE Y'ALL!!! hahahaha

MUAKS... lol

:D

I Had A Dream

this dream is i think the strangest and the realest dream i've ever had in my life...

in the dream... something happened, and i forgot what that "something" is... lol

and because of that "something", i remembered it only to be surprisingly huumiliating and saddening... why did i say so? well, coz in the dream i committed suicide by pulling the trigger. which means i shot myself.. lol

and the thing about my dream being strange and real isn't the fact that i was dead; i've had such dreams for the last few hundred times. lol ==|||

the thing about my death is that after i was "dead", i am still visible to everyone, and i felt like i wasn't dead at all... throughout the dream i was never scared nor anything, i was just calm and serene... like it was something that has happened before to me, but it hasn't.

then i met with one guy whom i have no idea or whatsoever at all who he is. he saw that i was crying alone. and then he came to me and said, "We're sorry. when we heard what you have done we were making fun of you, thinking that you would be so shameless that you would commit suicide. and we never knew you really did..."

and then he showed me a card or something. and in the card there are a lot of messages that really made me cry like hell in my dream. those things are too "grotesque" to be displayed here.. hehehe... trust me...

in my funeral, people were crying their hearts out and when i saw that, i was sad as well. when i woke up my pillow was slightly wet, and i donno that's because of my tears or my saliva... i couldn't make it out.. hahaha

XD

(please forgive me... i don't have good memory, and it's been quite awhile since i have awaken from that dream... haha :P)

something strange about the dream is that despite being in Swinburne, my biggest guess about my location was Miri's Curtin instead. i have no idea coz that place is superbly strange and unfamiliar... i have never been there at all.. every step that i took was new and fresh... i have never did anything that i have done there before.

and after my funeral i was somehow teleported to my house in Miri, and there three unexpected people appeared in my dream.

my roommate Lawrence was there. and so was Kerry and Marcus. if i'm not mistaken this are the first three strangers that i talked to when i arrived here in Swinburne.

i was leaving my house and parked just outside the gate was a silvery car which i donno wat's the model and i don't even bother coz i don't like cars. lol...

as i walked out kerry said to me, "why think like that? why do you choose to leave?"

and i didn't answer, i just walked away with a smile on my face. then, teleportation happened again. i was already in the car, on my way back to Brunei. i remember the road very carefully... it was the road that drives u to DPS (only Mirians and Bruneians know where this is... lol) and the roundabout.

then that's it... i was suddenly awake... with a heavy heart...

the reason i say that this dream is real is because it's so unbelievable that someone can see me when i'm dead, as a ghost and it's impossible for people to talk to me like i was never dead. they're talking to me as if i was still alive, and that is strange and unbelievable, to me at least... haha

XD

... [Joey]

Whoa!

hahaha... the post title is kinda, well, i guess, suits what i did last night.

1) for the whole day, i was sitting in the library from 8.45am until 7pm, when i was so tired that i couldn't hold on anymore that i went back to hostel and sleep. new record. (O.O)v

2) throughout the whole day, all i ever ate were bread and popcorn chicken. No dinner, no nothing... haha... lol

3) was so tired that i slept at 7.30pm (i guess, coz i didn't check my watch/mobile phone as i was TOO tired. lol) until midnight, then my roommate came into the room and turned on his table light which was SOOOOOOOO "dim" that i couldn't sleep. so, i played my PSP for awhile, waited until he was sleepy then i sleep. it was around 2am... [That explains why i didn't eat anything... hehe]

4) slept from 2am until the next day (which is today), and woke up at noon. lol... took my shower and then came to library. ^^V

well, donno if you guys would think what i did was a "whoa!" factor, but i'm okay with it... hehehe

=)

so, until the next time that i have something to blog about, this has been Joey the Only.

Cheers! [Joey]

It's Official...

What's official, you ask? well, it's official that i am a fan of Adam Lambert. I know, I know... it's been so long since AI has been promoting him, but i didn't watch any episodes of AI, so i can be excused, right?

hehe...



I am official in love with him (as a singer) because he has just touched me. not what you are and may be thinking, please. when i said he touched me i meant his song, "No Boundaries", touched me. i know Kris Allen has done another version of this song, but still i prefer Adam's version. Coz i admire guys with high pitched voices... who can sing well with it, i mean. hehe

=)

Ahh.... "No Boundaries" is surely my favorite song for the moment... just now i have been playing this track repetitively on my Windows Media Player until when i skipped another few tracks later, i couldn't continue playing and would have to restart my laptop... Yea, i know. sucks right?

stupid laptop... =\

anyways, sorry to The BEPs, who were my favorite artist just a couple of weeks, maybe just days ago... right now, Adam is my idol... ;)

hehehe...

btw, Kris's version of "No Boundaries" is good... but it doesn't really suit my mood right now... I wanna listen to songs that can keep me awake... as in when i'm studying... i don't wanna listen to Kris's soothing voice until i can fall asleep listening to him singing to me... hehe =P





talking about covers, i prefer Kris's album cover to Adam's... there's just something about Adam that repels me... and i donno wat.. ehhehe... =P

and, i think i should give some credit to the artist that i was so obsessed and addicted with for the couple of weeks... the one and only, The Black Eyed Peas...

IT Presentation!

Oh yeah, i have found something to talk about.. hahaha... and it's about my IT Presentation today.. hehe

for those who don't know what is IT, it stands for Information Technology, my favorite subject in Swinburne, and i spent a month doing the assignment.. and when i handed it up i was glad and relieved... part of it because it was kinda hard and confusing plus very annoying to do... hahaha XD

And so, today is one of the more unusual days for me. coz i woke up at 7+ am, and that is superbly weird and uncommon. hehe... =P

i took my shower and put on my formal clothes, although people around me told me that it was unnecessary as i was living in the hostel and that i could change into my formal clothes whenever i wanted to, since my presentation starts on 3.30pm. but i donno, maybe i just wanna show off (=P) that i am going to present... ehhe..

i was really nervous and scared when i knew that i was going to present today for sure, but then the feeling faded soon after i saw my friends during physics, and eventually it disappeared when i entered the class. the good thing about this presentation is that i (as well as my other colleagues/friends who are having IT with me) am not required to do Powerpoint Slides, and i am very relieved actually... because i know that doing PPSs (PowerPoint Slides) are very tiring and requires a lot of time and effort to perfect it.

=)

and so, i sat at my seat and waited for my turn to come until i present. and it took me VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY long in order for my turn to come.

can you imagine it? i was supposed to present at 3.30pm, and when i heard that i was arranged to present quite behind, i didn't actually think that i would be presenting at around 6pm. LOL!!! and my class is supposed to end at 5.30pm... =\

having to stay behind isn't a bad thing, but having to ask the next class to move to another room just so that we can continue presenting made me feel bad. i mean, we were robbing the next class (which has a class at 5.30pm) off their time. and my classmates don't even seem to care.

they actually kind of took their time setting up for the projector, and just simply simply rushed off their presentation just so that they can go home earlier. well, if you are really that worried about going home late, why don't you just give the 5% up instead? i mean, it doesn't matter right? i don't think one rushing his presentation by blah-ing everything out cincai cincai can get you any good marks.

sorry if i have offended you, but i'm just telling the truth. =)

and oh, when i finally finished presented, i found out that i have left out some important information as well... such as, why did i choose that particular font for that particle area... blah3, watever.. hahaha

=P

well, i wish everyone good luck for their assignment... eventho they don't seem like they care about it, coz they think that IT is useless being an engineer... watever...

lol

=\

haha... well, till then, this has been Joey the Only

=)

[Joey]

Happiness At Last!!! =D

Hooray! After two alternate posts about being sad, i think it's time that there are some positive posts instead, or else people will think that i'm being nothing but an emo freak... haha

=P

IT assignment's done!! Hooray! haaha... and it's been so relieving... haha... and right now all i have to worry about are my english magazine assignment and then after that, my finals... T___T

wish me luck, guys, i need it...

haha

anyway, today i got back my final physics quiz result... i just need 1!!! 1 more mark to pass the quiz!! lol... if i didn't change my answer... T____________________T

haha

but it's ok... i'll just have to work extremely hard for my finals... and that is why i need ur luck... hahaha

XD

hehe...

today is friday! i'm so happy! coz tomorrow i won't have to wake up as early as i normally would... and that is so darn relieving as well.. hahaa

=)

hmm... what else can i talk about? O.o

oh well, i guess i'll just stop here right now... i'll continue again once i've thought of something to post about.. hehe

till then, this has been Joey the Only

=)

[Joey]

Tired!!!

i have been very tired these few weeks... always sleeping late and waking up early, and sometimes i even skipped classes but what the heck, i don't really care... all i do care about right now is to get my two assignments done ASAP and then just study, study, study...

i don't know if i can really study... my mind is just... everywhere... i just can't seem to keep focused on anything that i am doing at all these days... i have been labeled as "blur blur" these few days, and i think they are right.

i am no longer in a very good mood, and i seriously do not know why. Carlson these days means a lot to me as he is one heck of a joker and he is the reason that i am still laughing everyday despite not having a good time... Thank you, Carlson, for being the joker... =)

oh well... one more thing to be happy about. i have recently re-added my roommate as a Facebook friend, and he has accepted my request... phew... hopefully this time our friendship can last longer than before... X)

hehe

sigh... i would love to write a longer post, but sadly my assignments are still calling my name just right behind me... "Joey... Joey... Joey..." they called...

"Finish me... Get me done!!!....."

Gosh... am i so glad that my semester's finally ending in about 2 more weeks' time?? haha... u bet i am... ;)

hehe

so, until then, this has been Joey D Only...

=)


[Joey]

New Header

Sigh... How I Wish I Can Have What My Header Is Written There... Amnesia...

So I can just forget about everything that has ever happened to me...

I'm just so... tired suddenly... I Want to go home... And the urge is just getting stronger than ever as the days go by... but I can only go back on the 2nd... which is considered as quite very long to me... can i even wait for that day to come?

=\

Disappointment... (prepare for one hell of a read... again... and yes, it's that long. trust me)

i donno what is wrong with me... i am starting to either think too much or worry too much... it has got to be one of them...

my friends are killing me, one by one, one at a time... i donno if saying or typing this is fair to them or not but right now i seriously don't care, because i need to get this out of my head. my heart. myself.

recently i came to realize that nothing really goes my way. everything i do, there must, and will always be faulty and wrong...

at first, my watch began to lag behind... lag really really far away from the accurate time... it doesn't really matter to me, as i still have my phone, and it is accurate. and so i told myself that i can just simply wind my watch back to the accurate time whenever i want to.

but what the hell? the more i rewind, the worse it gets. sigh...

the watch is just part of my troubles... and i consider it a trouble/problem to me because i really hate it when things don't go my way. i want things to be driven the way i wanted it to be. i want things to go my way. and i know it is impossible because i am not God. and i can never be. and so when things don't go my way, i just ignore it... i'm trying. but i feel like giving up. i seriously can't try anymore... i am really tired...

this is my first time feeling soooooo down, ever since coming here to Kuching... Sonia's case was saddening, but i can still handle it... but now, my problems, all accumulating one by one in such a haphazard way, all coming towards me, all attacking me at the same time. they all know that i can't handle my problems more than one at a time, but they don't care. they'd still do it... they'll still bombard me in a way i'm so defenseless... so full of nothing... so weak...

what does the word "Friend" mean to you? as much as i wouldn't want to say it like i'm so proud about it, but friendship really matters to me. i seriously want to make as much friends as possible, but i think, coming here, friends are beginning to lose their value...

i'm starting to not believe in friendship anymore. is there really something called friendship? do friends really exist? what kind of friends do i have then?

no one listens to me, and i mean no one. when i am approachable, people ignore me like i'm invisible. and when i don't feel like talking, only then people began to ask me if i'm okay, only then they'd really "care" about me.

what is friendship to you? are friends people who listen to you whenever you are down? are friends people who accompany you when you have no one to accompany you to the shopping mall? are friends people who have fortune that you wished was yours? are friends people who bitch and gossip with you about that other bitch they're bitching about? are friends people who help you when you fell down? are friends people who stayed and waited for you when you are left behind? are friends people who just wanted you to help them with their homework? are friends people who just wanted to be "friends" with you so that they can use you? are friends people that only appear when something bad happened?

when i heard about swinburne, the first thing in my mind is not about my studies here nor was it about my future as an engineer or a businessman or an accountant. the first thing that came to me was, "what? does that mean i'm going to get separated from my friends?"

i was worried. because it was hard to have finally formed a bond between me and my friends in high school. i don't want to get separated from them. i need them and i knew they needed me as well. that was what i think.

but everyone knows that whenever i think of something, it'll always turn out to be the other way round. when i think that friends are so important to me that i can take bullets for them, sacrificing myself for them, they turn out to be people who can't do the same for me.

i mean it when i said i miss my friends a lot, but i seriously don't know if they mean it or not when they said they do the same as well. when they said they miss me, i really doubted it...

if they really do miss me, why'd they ignore me when i greeted them? why won't they reply when i said hi over MSN or facebook? why would they go offline straightaway i said hi? why would they break my heart like that? i wanted to talk to them because i miss them. but why would they, and how could they hurt me like that? they wouldn't dare to say it face to face to me, because they know i wouldn't be able to take the fact that they don't like me anymore. they know that i couldn't take the fact that we can't be friends anymore.

when i knew that there is internet access over here in swinburne i was seriously happy because i know it's the only way for me to stay in contact with everyone. i know it's the only way that we can still be friends. because my friends are all in another country and calling them, or even send a text to them is seriously costly and hard. if they don't even bother replying me in MSN, how much more can i expect them to reply my text? if they think replying me in MSN is already such a hard thing for them to do, what more can i ask for?

i don't know if i'm thinking too much or anything, but right now i'm just so confused and sad... at first i kept giving myself ridiculous reasons about them not replying my messages. at first i thought they must be busy, they must be busy doing something... like studying. but can't they at least just tell me that they are busy?

if they are busy, why don't they put that in their status that they are busy, and wouldn't be able to reply? why would they put down silly and meaningless statuses instead? if they really are busy, why bother signing in again? why can't they just turn off their laptop or whatsoever and just study or do whatever it is that they are doing?

why do they have to avoid me? didn't they keep on telling me that they miss me? didn't they said that we would stay in contact no matter what? didn't we promised that we would always chat online?

why is it that when i wanted to talk to them, they're never there for me? why is it that when i needed them to be by my side, they're never there? i would always be the one who asked them what happened when something happened, and the answer i always get is "nothing, it's just his/her own problem." or "it's none of your business actually..." or "i don't want to tell you".... why is telling me their problems so hard for them? is it because they think i'm not good enough to solve their problems? or they think me knowing is better than i don't know anything because they think they i'd do something silly?

what is it? why can't you all just tell me?

because of this, i think it's ok that i do not share my problems with anyone. i don't, and never tell anyone why i am sad, and i never let people in although i have always been giving myself out. i think the reason "i don't want you to worry" is simply bullshit and idiotic. do you think that not telling me is going to make me not worry about you?

whenever there are problems i don't share with anyone because i know that my problems are always mischievous and boring, kiddy and ridiculous. people always say that i worry about the wrong thing, and they always say that i spent my time worrying about things that do not concern with me, but what the hell? that is what i am! u expect me to just not care about anything and just live life my own way, with my own perspectives, being selfish and care only about myself? care about nothing but myself?

when my friends began to know me, they have so many things to tell me. they have so many things to share with me. they think that i can be good company. but as they get to know me longer, they'd start to think that i am annoying, childish and stupid. i know that i am annoying, and i do know that i am childish, but that's just what i am. don't and can't you all just see that i will not be who i am if i changed myself?

speaking about changing, i think i have changed yet again. when i was in primary school, everyone would have loved to stay away from me. hearing my name or seeing me in person is like a nightmare coming true to them.

when i moved away, i told myself that being a demon is so over already. i'd have to change or else i am not going to have any friends at all. and i can't stand being lonely and friendless. i want company... and the only way to find one, or more, is when i'm in a new environment, where there would be less people that know of me.

and it took me around 2 to 3 years before i started to have friends that i'm seriously close with, people that i can talk to when i'm down. i changed from being a demon child into an angelic demon. i stopped, or lessened my demon acts, and they stayed dormant inside me.

now, coming here, i began to change again... evolving into something that i'm so afraid of becoming when i was in my "angelic" form.

one day, during one occasion in which i have forgotten about, i cursed. i said the word "fuck" and i seriously have no idea why i said that. it was nothing serious, and yet i cursed. i was so disappointed with myself and i told myself that that word is going to be the last foul word that i would say.

and until now, the only foul words that appear are those that i typed down. i donno why, but i think cursing while typing is somewhat and somehow better than cursing verbally.

i don't want to curse. i seriously don't want to. i don't want to be like my friends who curse like they're breathing the air. i just want to be as "pure" as possible, knowing that i have been so sinful already in the past. i want to be as good as possible so that i can die peacefully. coz i'm really afraid of a tragic ending to my life.

and going back to "friends", if friends are people you can rely on, then why would they still give up on you eventually? why would they say that they'll be there for you when they're not going to mean it?

why does that someone has to ask me to add him in facebook and MSN, and has to be the one who deleted and blocked me from the two respective... er... things? i am no longer on his friends' list, and i know that he has blocked me from MSN, coz i never seen him online anymore, and i do know that he is a frequent online person. it'll be impossible for him to just suddenly don't go online for months.

and why? why do people who don't know me have to attack me as well? why is it posting something on my blog or posting comments on someone's post or even putting my thoughts on someone's chatbox and even putting on a new picture have to be so wrong? why must my actions be somewhat repelling... in a way that no one likes it? why does it have to be so hard to just do whatever i like and not getting "attacked"?

why is speaking my mind such a difficult thing to accept? i'm just being human, and i'm just saying out what i am thinking. why must i be provoked? why must i be insulted? why do everyone have to think that i'm gayish in every single thing that i do? is it just because i don't have a girlfriend that i will be labeled as "gay"?

why can't you just leave me alone when i don't even welcome you to my world? why do you have to say things to hurt me? why must you be so criticizing? why can't u just let me be? why can't u just let me be me? why must i be the one at fault?

i seriously don't get it. what did i do in order to deserve this? did i step on ur tail or did i ever said anything bad to you? i don't even know you! stop bullying me just because u see that i am an easy target! i do have my values as well as a human and i do have dignity. stop talking bad about me in a way that is so humiliating and so untrue that people who don't know me began to label me the same way that you did as well!

it is so unfair and i don't like it! if u want to say something bad about me, at least provide the proof that i did do something wrong! being gay, or looking like one, is NOT my problem and i didn't choose to be either of those two. i am born like that, and if you're not happy about it, then just stay away. you do not have to comment on anything about me. because my life is my life. your life is your life. live your life, and do not step your foot into my life if you have no intentions or whatsoever in getting to know me.

well, i guess it's better to not know me as people who know me long will begin to find me irritating and will begin to avoid me and so. so do it fast before u regret it.

and what is wrong about telling my friend that i do like something? why is it wrong to tell her that i want that thing so badly as well? why do u have bitch slap me about the way i posted that comment on that chatbox? it's not like it's YOUR chatbox to start about. if that's your chatbox and if you're the owner then fine. i'm completely speechless. but NO! u, as someone i completely don't know about, come to wail on me like i'm some kind of joke to u! what is wrong with u?! if you don't like the way i comment or chat then just go back to ur bitch hole and bitch about it privately or u can just tell me personally or even send me a personal message. it's okay for u to say whatever you like coz that's ur own mouth, your own brain and everything but can u at least be more polite? how can u just suddenly spray me with ur nasty opinions about me when i don't even know of your name?

i think this is all just karma... i have been doing so many bad things before in my life and now it's the time to punish me for my wrongs...

this challenge of life is seriously difficult for me to endure... i have felt like giving up for a long time already. but everytime my friends are the reason i'm holding on...

but right now i'm really confused if they really do care for me...

i know of some who really do, and it's better than none, and i'm glad to know that...

thanks, joanna. =) u've cheered me up with ur facebook messages... hehe

=)